


Touches That Don't Phase Through

by zairiko



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Fluff, M/M, Zhangjun, ghost!You Zhangjing, supposed to be angst but i suck at that, zhangdejun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-13 23:24:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14758268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zairiko/pseuds/zairiko
Summary: Lin Yanjun, evicted from his previous apartment for not being able to pay rent, has to choose between relying on his friends' kindness and rooming with them temporarily, or staying in the cheapest apartment he could find.Of course he chooses the latter.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to @breadforyanjun because I got inspired while we were talking abt angsty stuff ♡ ily

 

 

“Yanjun are you sure about this?” Chaoze asks him as Yanjun opens the door to his new place. “This place looks unsafe.”

 

Calling it ‘new’ place is ironic though, as it’s a very rundown-looking place. It’s an old building and the only available room for him was a dingy room in the first level of the underground basement. The rent was very cheap though, and that was enough to get a desperate college student like Lin Yanjun willing to take it. 

 

“You know I can’t keep relying on you and everyone else. I still owe you some. Besides, this is the cheapest we could possibly find.”

 

Yanjun sets the cardboard box of limited kitchen utensils on the floor and moves past Chaoze to attend to more luggage waiting to be carried down to his empty space. He takes two of what he thinks are lighter than the others and trudges down the steps. He was hoping he’d see Chaoze go up again to bring more things down,but instead, the boy was standing still, stuck to the wall and pale. 

 

“Uh, are you-”

 

“Yanjun, I saw something!” Chaoze eyes are wide with fear and surprise and he looks like he would’ve already bolted out of the building if his legs weren’t so visibly shaking.

 

“A rat?” Yanjun guesses, because Chaoze is a scaredy cat, and in a place like this, it was most likely a huge rat or something. 

 

“No!! Somethi- someone!! A ghost!” Chaoze’s eyes are trained onto the wall on the other side of the room, slowly moving sideways as if scanning for something. Yanjun follows his line of sight, but sees nothing. “This place is creepy. I don’t like it.” He follows up as he moves to the door to leave after nothing happens. 

 

“Fine, then. You can just move the things until the end of the staircase and I’ll do the rest of the work.” Yanjun sighs, understanding that maybe it’s Chaoze’s stress that’s making him see things. After all, his friend has a week before a dance showcase, but he opted to help Yanjun move when he could’ve spent the rare free time out of practicing to get himself some rest.

 

“Good, because I am not stepping in there again.” Chaoze marches off, leaving Yanjun to wonder how he could fix the place up and arrange his things.

  
  
  
  


 

Three weeks after moving into the place and slowly making it comfortable for himself, Yanjun starts to notice things. 

 

Firstly, some of his books go missing sometimes, only to eventually be returned to its proper place with a bookmark that Yanjun does not recall placing inside the book. He doesn’t know how to explain it other than the wild, unlikely situation of him lending it to someone and forgetting. And since the books disappearing and appearing happen at a  3 to 4 day interval, he’s sure he can’t possibly forget if he’s lending books that often.

 

Secondly, he hears singing sometimes. It’s a little bit harder to explain because the first floor rooms aren’t directly above his, and the tenants there are more rappers than singers (and at the same time, students and are rarely there). And from outside, Yanjun even thinks he’s heard it come from inside his apartment once.

 

The possibility of a ghost suddenly seemed more likely to Yanjun now.

  
  
  
  
  


 

“Am I the only one hearing the singing from the basement, or do you guys hear it too?” Yanjun asks one day to the people hanging out on the first floor lounge area that’s supposed to be for visitors. 

 

“You mean Xiao You? Oh, you just moved in here recently, right?” One of them asks him. He’s tall, looks like he has good proportions, and has really clean-looking teeth. 

 

“Yeah. Three weeks ago. Who’s Xiao You though?” 

 

“The singing ghost. We’ve been hearing Xiao You ever since we’ve moved in too.”

 

“We all moved in last year, by the way.” Someone else adds in.

 

The other boys with the clean-looking teeth guy express their agreement, explaining to Yanjun that they had asked some residents about it and that all of them believed that the singing came from a ghost that stayed in the basement, but sometimes moved around the first floor. None of them knew where the ghost’s name came from, but there was a former resident in the second floor named Linong who apparently believed he knew who the ghost was. It just so happened that he had family situations and needed to move out before he could do anything about it.

 

“Has nobody done anything about the ghost then?” Yanjun asks, wondering why on earth a bunch of people who are aware of the ghost’s existence don’t try calling some exorcist or priest to get rid of the ghost.

 

“Well, I think no one bothers about it much because we’re all busy. And the people from the higher floors don’t even know about him.” 

  
  
  
  
  


 

“Xiao You?” Yanjun calls out in the middle of his apartment one night. “Are you here inside my apartment right now?” 

 

Silence. 

Only the sound of the leaky faucet in the bathroom and the occasional noises from outside that leaked into his room. 

 

“You’ve been reading my books, haven’t you? You didn’t even ask for permission, but I’ll let you off if you tell me what you think.” He doesn’t know why he’s trying to initiate a conversation with a spiritual being, but he thinks it’s mostly because of fear (that he’ll never admit) since the ghost might basically be living with him. “What do you think? Do you like them?” 

 

He gets no answer again and it makes him want to hit himself for doing something as stupid as trying to communicate with a probably non-existent being.

  
  
  
  
  


 

When he comes home from school the next day, he immediately notices. A few of the books from his shelf are lined up on his desk with sticky notes stuck on their cover. Yanjun reads them in the order the books were arranged.

 

_ ‘This one made me cry. It’s too sad. But the ending made me smile. I like it.’  _

 

_ ‘It’s so weird reading something like this when I know I’m not alive anymore.But I like it anyways.’ _

 

_ ‘It’s another sad book. Why do you have so many sad books? Are you a sad person?’  _

 

After the notes on his books, there was a last note on the desk that read:

 

_ ‘Sorry for not asking permission. I won’t do it again. --Xiao You’ _

 

Yanjun is mildly amused and surprised at how polite the ghost seemed to be- if it really is a ghost. He still has his doubts and probably won’t believe until he sees Xiao You or has a conversation with the ghost himself. 

 

“I’m going to clarify now that I’m not a sad person, Xiao You.” He says out loud in the silence of his apartment. “Is Xiao You really your name though? You sing, right? Why won’t you just talk to me directly?” 

 

He was so close to asking Xiao You if he could sing something for Yanjun, but he stopped because he heard someone cough softly beside him.

 

“You sure have a lot of questions. It’ll take some energy to let you see me, but go ahead and I’ll answer you.” 

 

Yanjun pales at the sight. 

 

There, sitting on the side of his bed is a translucent, almost blurry figure of a boy. The more Yanjun looks at him and concentrates on seeing him, the more refined his image appears to him. 

 

He’s not really scared, just a bit spooked maybe. But how else was he supposed to react to a ghost appearing right in front of him? Flirt with it?

 

“So...Is Xiao You really your name?” 

 

“...I don’t remember my name. Xiao You is just a nickname.” 

 

The ghost’s voice is soft. If it weren’t for the fact that he was sitting so close to it -to him- he could’ve passed it off as a whispery wind noise. But what strikes Yanjun the most is that his voice is almost...sorrowful. 

 

“Oh… and you, did you die here?” Yanjun winces immediately at how insensitive his question sounded,specially since Xiao You was a ghost, in short, dead. 

 

Xiao You didn’t seem to mind though. He just nodded slowly and returned to staring at Yanjun and awaiting more questions. And now that Yanjun is actually facing the ghost, his questions don’t seem to be coming to mind as easily. He wants to ask Xiao You a lot of questions, but he’s hesitating and wondering if the questions are too personal.

 

“You want to know how I died? ...that’s what you’re thinking, right?” Xiao You asks his question for him, seemingly unbothered. “You… just go ask your questions. I’m dead after all so it’s fine. And I haven’t talked to anyone in a while.” The last part comes a little quieter than the rest, and Yanjun can’t make the words out, but he assumes it’s not that important.

 

“Yeah so, how did you die?”

 

Even though Xiao You mentioned that he wouldn’t mind, the minute silence is enough of a clue to tell Yanjun that he did mind after all. And when he did answer,it’s a soft murmur that can only be heard between them.

 

“Fire.” 

 

Yanjun’s eyes automatically flicker up to the ghost’s face. And he might have not noticed a while ago, but the left side of his face appears to be blurrier and harder to make out compared to the rest of him. Suddenly, Xiao You looks so sad in front of him, looking like he’s silently going through the tragedy of his death just by the mention of a single word. Yanjun is reaching out before he knows what he’s doing. Xiao You’s eyes return to his when his hands phase through the ghost in his attempt to cup his small, saddened face. 

 

And before he knows it, Xiao You has disappeared from his sight.

  
  
  
  


 

“Hello? Earth to Mister Yanjun Evan Lin?” 

 

Dinghao is raising a questioning brow at him when he snaps out of the deep end of his thoughts. Chaoze is next to him, squinting analytically like a hound dog searching for clues. He’s not completely out of it yet when Chaoze blurts out his conclusion.

 

“You met someone, didn’t you?” It’s a question, but with Chaoze’s tone, it sounds almost accusatory. Everyone’s eyes turn to him, even Honglin who was so seriously studying just a moment ago, was staring at him.

 

“Uh, I think so-”

 

“But you told us you were tired so we let you go home early yesterday!” Behind Chaoze’s accusatory voice, he vaguely makes out Ruotian jokingly telling Maotong something like  _ “Mr. Lin Yanjun, a liar? It’s more likely than you think.” _

 

“I  _ did  _ go home though. I was home all night.”

 

“Hm, so it’s a neighbor of yours then.” Dinghao and Chaoze exchange glances before he’s suddenly being interrogated. “What’s the name?” 

 

Yanjun sighs now, absolutely done with them. “I met Xiao You. The ghost in the basement.”

  
  
  
  
  


 

“Xiao You? I’m home.” Yanjun greets as he shuts the door. He doesn’t know why he’s doing it, but it doesn’t feel awkward or weird somehow. 

 

Instead of Xiao You, only silence greets him. He shrugs it off and heads to his bed to undress and take a nap. He’s tired after bearing the screams of his friends about him making contact with a dead person and them trying to convince him to call an exorcist or leave his apartment and stay with them for a while. It took him a good long hour convincing them that it was fine and Xiao You wasn’t evil or harmful in any way. In fact, Yanjun would rather describe him as a melancholic ghost.

 

“Hey Xiao You...If you’re here right now, can you tell me why you haven’t completely crossed to the afterlife yet?” 

 

He wasn’t expecting an answer, but he feels a small chill on his back that signals him to turn around. And behind him of course, was Xiao You. 

 

“I...don’t know. For some reason, I’ve been stuck in this place for as long as I can remember.”

 

“For how long?” 

 

Xiao You looked embarrassed when he answered. “I haven’t been able to keep count.”

 

He looked just as sorrowful as when they had talked yesterday, and Yanjun feels guilty for causing that sadness. So he changes the topic immediately, but keeps the information in mind.

 

“That’s okay.” He reassures him and smiles a bit. “So, you like singing?” 

 

“Yeah…” If Xiao You had any color in his state, Yanjun was sure he would’ve been blushing. “I prefer staying down here to sing so I don’t bother anyone with the noise.”

 

“Oh? So where I’m staying now used to be your apartment?” Yanjun recalls clearing away a cardboard box that was left in the apartment. He was told he could throw it away, but he put it off and ended up forgetting it. Maybe those things belonged to Xiao You? They could be a clue to his identity.

 

The ghost nods but doesn’t give anymore details. Yanjun turns to lay flat on the bed and stare at the ceiling, thinking of a variety of things. Most of them were about Xiao You, about the details of his life from his almost fading memories. 

 

Soon enough, his eyelids become too heavy for him to keep open. He can still somehow sense Xiao You beside him, but then it’s gone for a moment and the lights get turned off before the ghost’s presence returns to his side. 

 

Yanjun mumbles a thanks to the ghost, turning to face him and barely making his translucent figure in the dark. He gets the urge to draw him closer, but since he can’t touch him, he scoots himself closer. He can hear him humming something, and it lulls Yanjun even closer to slumber. 

 

The humming turn to words of a song, and the words of the song find their way into Yanjun’s dreams.

  
  
  
  
  


_ The flickering lights are like the Milky Way _

_ And even if it’s just a short span of time, _

_ Can you feel what I’m feeling? _

  
  
  
  
  


During his spare time the next day, Yanjun searches news article after news article in one of the library computers. He trains his eyes for certain keywords and scrolls past anything unrelated. It’s a bit tedious because he doesn’t know how far back he should be searching. For all he knows, the fire Xiao You was talking about had happened more than ten years ago. 

 

_ Wait. _

 

Fortunately that didn’t seem to be the case. There, in a very short paragraph, seemed to be the one he’s been searching for.

 

An apartment building had caught on fire due to faulty wiring. Fortunately, the damage was repairable and not severe. Residents were evacuated calmly and only a few suffered from minor first degree burns, and only one case of third degree burns, which was of a university student. 

 

The student’s name was You Zhangjing.

The fire happened more than one a half years ago. Almost two years, even.

 

_ Xiao You could be You Zhangjing. _

 

Yanjun opens up a new window to get rid of the clutter and searches for You Zhangjing. He finds his name after a few minutes on a university page. He clicks the link that leads to an article about a You Zhangjing and he focuses on reading the article while waiting for the images on the article to load. 

 

The information matches. 

The same date, caught in the fire, suffered third degree burns, and...has fallen into a coma.

 

It was unmistakable. The soft features, the large eyes, and the nicest smile imaginable. It was the You Zhangjing he was looking for. It was his Xiao You.

 

But that was almost two years ago. Did Xiao You never wake up?

  
  
  
  


 

“Xiao You, I’m home.” 

 

For the first time, Yanjun doesn’t feel comfortable with the silence that greets him. He feels anxious. He feels like rushing to the nearest hospitals to look for Xiao You’s body. He feels like if he doesn’t, he might have to search cemeteries instead.

 

“Xiao You, please let me see you right now.” It’s a plea and it doesn’t sound like him. He’s never felt quite as scared in his life.

 

“Xiao You-” 

 

“Yanjun? I’m here, what is it?” 

 

Yanjun turns around wide-eyed and flings himself to envelope the ghost in a hug, but he only phases through. 

 

“You Zhangjing. You’re You Zhangjing.” He says, facing an equally wide-eyed Xiao You. 

 

“You Zhangjing…?” He seems to be remembering, and it’s making his form harder to make-out as he’s losing concentration on maintaining it whilst drowning in the surge of memories and thoughts that seemed to be flowing in his head.

 

“Yes!! And I’ll find your body for you, I promise!” 

 

“I...I’m not dead?” 

 

Those words bring a minute of silence between them, and it brings back Yanjun’s anxieties. He doesn’t want to let down the hope in Zhangjing’s faded voice.

 

“I...I’ll find out, Xiao You.” He feels hesitant, but determined at the same time. “I’ll find you.” 

  
  
  
  
  


 

For the next few days, Yanjun spends them going from hospital to hospital searching for You Zhangjing. He asks his friends to help him search, tells them he’ll explain after they find him. There are a lot of hospitals, but it’s easy enough for eight people to cover them. They find him soon enough. 

 

Yanjun leads Zhangjing back to his body. And it’s scaring him and making him so anxious, seeing Zhangjing’s ghost fade and blur more than usual as soon as they set foot outside the apartment building that Zhangjing’s ghost hasn’t left for more than a year. Zhangjing is admittedly just as scared, of completely fading out and never getting to see Yanjun again. 

 

“I still haven’t finished that one book of yours.” He mumbles sadly, and only Yanjun can hear it.

 

“I’ll lend it to you when you wake up.” Yanjun whispers back to him. He’ll stay hopeful for Zhangjing.

 

When they enter the hospital, Zhangjing’s ghost looks like nothing more but a strange cloud of shimmer in the light. Yanjun can hear his whispers in the wind that he can barely make out. But he knows Zhangjing is close so he pushes back his fears. 

 

When they get to the hallway Zhangjing’s room is at, it’s no longer ‘they’, but only Yanjun alone. A voice whisers into his ear.

 

“Please wait for me. I’ll wait for you too.”

 

And that alone makes him race past the other doors so he can stand in front of the one labeled ‘You Zhangjing.’ 

 

When he first found him, he was unconscious, scar tissue slightly evident on the left side of his face and on his arms. They’ve healed nicely over the course of the year and are nothing more than unnatural bumps and stretches on Zhangjing’s otherwise smooth skin. 

 

Now, when he enters the same labeled door, he finds Zhangjing again. Eyes fluttering open this time, looking back at him. Shining brown eyes, still adjusting after being closed for so long, but alive and finally seeing Yanjun. Yanjun can’t help but finally fling himself to envelope the other in a hug that doesn’t phase through. A smile breaks on his face, and he excitedly calls for a nurse. And Zhangjing, even with the stiffness in his face, smiles back at him.

 

This time, Zhangjing doesn’t disappear when Yanjun cups his face in his hands. This time, Zhangjing smiles at him through his eyes and mouths ‘Lin Yanjun’ so happily that tears are threatening to roll down from his smiling eyes. 

 

This time, there’s nothing stopping Lin Yanjun from kissing his You Zhangjing.

 

 


	2. s e q u e l

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Events that happened on the first year after Zhangjing woke up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aha, an excuse to write fluff

 

Rehabilitation isn’t easy. 

 

For You Zhangjing, having been unconscious for almost two years, it certainly isn’t going to be a walk in the park. While him waking up is already a miracle in itself, everything else isn’t. 

 

Zhangjing understands of course, and accepts the challenge with a certain determination and the right perseverance to match it. The doctors have told him that it might be impossible for him to completely recover and regain what he had lost, but he tries his best anyway. He has Yanjun to support him and watch over him every step of the way, and it’s the most he could’ve asked for. Yanjun tells him stories, makes him smile, and pout, and makes everything about his situation better, makes Zhangjing think positively about what’s going on. He tries to teach his body how to do things again. Things like walking, and writing, and working on his mobility, and also things like

  
  
  


talking. 

  
  


It’s not a surprise to him anymore that he’s lost a lot of basic skills due to the whole accident and the coma itself, and he’s done his best to take it all in stride and just concentrate on rehabilitation, but the biggest shock that came was when he found out that he couldn’t speak. It was going fine for him for the first few weeks where they told him that he had transitioned impossibly quickly from a vegetative state to a minimally conscious state, and then to how he is now and that his recovery was impressively going well, but almost a month had passed since then, and he was still struggling to make even the simplest verbal noises. You Zhangjing, someone who’s been complimented for his voice almost all his life, really couldn’t speak. 

 

He recalls the doctors’ words. It might be impossible.

  
  


Yanjun, who visited him at any chance he could get and by now often called Zhangjing’s family to update them on his situation, visited him that day. He had found Zhangjing crying in his bed, small shoulders wracking his body with silent but violent sobs, signing to Yanjun, mouthing to Yanjun, anything to tell Yanjun how miserable he was that he couldn’t speak.

 

All of him was so miserable. Miserable and pathetic really. 

 

He hates the look of worry he sees on Yanjun’s face. He hates the pity he finds in Yanjun’s eyes. Hates that he can feel the pity coming from his own self too. He hates it all. He really, really, 

  
  
  


_ hates himself. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Some time had gone by since then, and now spring had arrived. Zhangjing’s rehabilitation is going well. 

 

Sometimes, on afternoons where both Yanjun and him are tired, he let’s Yanjun help him into a wheelchair and take him to a park nearby. There, he sits silently in his wheelchair with Yanjun beside him leaning against a tree, most of the time occupying himself with a book. They watch the children play, watch the elderly walking around and taking their time, watch groups of friends hang out and enjoy themselves. And all of that is enough to content Zhangjing and let him forget about the boredom of his room and his present life. 

  
  
  


Sometimes, Yanjun visits him with a few of his friends and introduces them to Zhangjing. 

 

“Wow, Lin Yanjun is finally letting us meet his boyfriend.” Is what most of them say the first time they meet him. And Zhangjing, always easy to fluster, blushes and loses his composure.

 

Of all of them, Zhangjing has never seen any judging or pitiful eyes. They greet him and hug him and smile at him like they were friends all along. They don’t stare at his scars and act as if they weren’t there at all. Zhangjing thinks that Yankun’s friends are just as kind and wonderful as he is and he finds himself thankful to be knowing them.

 

But the thing is, he and Yanjun have never talked about it- about what the two of them were supposed to be. Zhangjing knows he still can’t actually talk, but he just can’t recall any moment when Yanjun could’ve possibly asked him out or confirmed their relationship -if they had one, of course. But Yanjun has never spoken up about anything even when his friends call Zhangjing his boyfriend. Did Yanjun tell them that himself? He thinks he’ll have to ask that for sure.

  
  
  


Sometimes, Yanjun sings for him.

His voice is surprisingly soft (beautifully soft) for someone with such a cold appearance. Zhangjing finds the contrast as another charm he likes about Lin Yanjun. And while he’s singing, he makes a performance out of it, swaying and gesturing to Zhangjing, smiling at him and winking, and always expecting a round of applause from Zhangjing by the end of it, followed by the warmest hug. 

 

Zhangjing thinks he likes their hugs the most. Well, he likes skinship with Yanjun in general. There’s human warmth to it, something he’s missed so much. Being a ghost has already faded to the back of his mind and he’s close to forgetting what the experience felt like, but what he thinks he’ll never forget is how lonely it was. Yanjun took on half of his loneliness when he started talking to him when he was Xiao You, reminding him of what companionship felt like. And whenever Yanjun phased through him one of is many attempts in catching Zhangjing in a hug, Zhangjing goes infinitely warm and he can’t help but disappear on the other. He’ll never tell Yanjun how weirdly… pleasing...it felt like. Yanjun would probably tease him for it.

  
  
  


But sometimes, Zhangjing feels like nothing is worth it. During those time, he forgets that he has Yanjun, that Yanjun makes it worth it, and that to Yanjun, he’s worth it. During those times, his tears are so heavy and they seem to fall endlessly, and he can’t help but open his mouth in a choked, silent scream. His arms hug around himself tightly, fingernails scratching and digging deeply on his own skin in misery and desperation. 

 

After he’s calmed down, he sings -or at least pretend to be singing, mouthing lyrics that don’t make it out of his mouth, imagining how he would sound like if he actually sung it. He wants his voice back so bad. Throughout his life, his voice felt like his only redeeming feature. It was the only thing that made him stand out and made him worth acknowledgement. 

 

Still, every time that happens, every time those same thoughts leave him sleepless, he thinks of Lin Yanjun’s words. 

  
  


“You’re strongest, bravest, most wonderful person I’ve ever met, Zhangjing. I know for sure, it’ll take more than this to knock you down. But when the time comes that you feel like you’re about to be knocked down, don’t be scared. Before you know it, I’ll have caught you and brought you back on your feet.” 

  
  


_ Yanjun is here for me. He’s always been here for me.  _

  
  


But then his urge to try harder to regain his voice gets stronger at the thought. He wants to be able to tell Yanjun how much he loved him so bad. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Zhangjing is staying with Yanjun now. He doesn’t need his wheelchair and can walk with little to no assistance now too. 

 

Yanjun was so proud and moved to tears when Zhangjing surprised him by standing up and taking careful, wobbly steps towards Yanjun to greet him with a hug. Yanjun’s friend were with him that day and they were cheering so noisily, cheering so happily for Zhangjing. Cheering so happily for the two of them.

 

Oh, and without him knowing it, Yanjun had been preparing for him all this time, saving money and getting an apartment that’s conveniently close to the rehabilitation center and the hospital. He made sure their apartment was on the first floor too, so that Zhangjing wouldn’t have to tire himself. 

 

Zhangjing’s family have been planning things with Yanjun as well. Because on that day Yanjun finally takes him home to see the apartment for the first time,everyone was there. Yanjun’s friends and Zhangjing’s family, all gathered in a colorfully decorated living room, anticipating his arrival and greeting him with the most genuine well wishes he’s ever received. By then, Zhangjing could manage speaking in a whisper if he tried hard enough and it’s one of the biggest achievements he’s ever had, so he had Yanjun say out loud all of the thanks and the ‘I hate you all, why are you making me cry like this’ he chokes out through his smile full of tears, but not without also saying ‘just kidding, I really love you all’ and pressing his face onto Yanjun’s shoulders so he can get rid of his tears.

 

When he does, they all cheer ‘kiss him! kiss him! kiss him!’, embarrassing both if them in front of Zhangjing’s family, but Yanjun manages to confidently cup his face in his hands like he always does when he wants Zhangjing to look at him and kiss him as if no one else is with them. He always kisses him like it’s the first time, and it makes Zhangjing forget that he’s doing all of that while in a room full of people. But in the end, he doesn’t mind. By now, all of these people are who he considers as his family after all. They cheer noisily for him. They cheer noisily for the both of them.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Yanjun, when did we become boyfriends?” Zhangjing asks one day, and his eyes widen in shock as he does. His voice is clearer than he remembers. Yanjun is in some sort of surprised look too, and Zhangjing can read the question in his eyes,  but he answers Zhangjing anyway. 

 

“Uh... when, uh, I actually don’t know.” He says sheepishly. “I actually think I confessed my love for you when I kissed you when you woke up.” 

 

Zhangjing does his best to look unconvinced despite his heart racing at the best memory he has of Yanjun.

 

“Oh wow, so aren’t really boyfriends huh.” He tries to sound disappointed, even letting out a sigh, when inside his head he’s nervous and excited at the fact that this is the most normal-sounding he has ever managed at speaking. He’s trying it out, seeing if it’s real, if he’s actually doing it. He wonders if he can say 

it today.

 

“Well, how about now? Will you be my boyfriend?” Yanjun suggests, blushing. He’s not as smooth as he proclaims himself to be when Zhangjing brings up unexpected things to him. 

 

“That’s so unromantic. I kind of expected more from you, Lin Yanjun.” The more he speaks, the more his heart beats faster at the exhilarating feeling of hearing how he sounds like again. It doesn’t sound perfect, maybe he’s slurring some of his words or saying them weirdly, but it’s speaking. It’s progress.

 

“Oh… I didn’t expect you to be the romantic type, but don’t worry, I’m prepared.” 

 

Zhangjing looks questioningly at Yanjun, watching him leave the room in a hurry, but not before telling him to stay there and wait for him. But how could Yanjun be actually prepared? How long has Yanjun been prepared?” 

 

“Okay, close your eyes baby.” Yanjun calls out from afar. Zhangjing does as he’s told and waits for whatever Yanjun said he prepared. He can hear the other’s steps as he makes his way to Zhangjing, feels his presence once he’s close enough. Yanjun moves to stand behind Zhangjing though, and before he knows it, he feels a necklace chain touch his neck lightly.

 

“Open your eyes.” 

 

The first this Zhangjing looks at is Yanjun, who’s smiling widely at him. All genuine and dimpled. Zhangjing’s favorite smile. 

 

“You Zhangjing. I’ve seen you in so many different ways now. They say the eyes are windows to the soul, but I’ve seen your soul before I got to see your eyes.Through that I can only confirm how beautiful of a person you are.” 

 

Zhangjing is smiling back at him too. Bright, eye-smiles and bunny teeth. He knows it’s Yanjun’s favorite smile.

 

“I want to officially date you. What do you say?” 

  
  
  
  
  


“I love you, Lin Yanjun.” 

 

It sounds so real now that Zhangjing has said it. It feels like it’s a solid thing, and not something made up in his mind. And it’s only coming back to his mind that he’s really here now too and has made it this far. He isn’t some ghost in the basement nor a too-long comatose patient. 

 

He’s alive and he’s in love with Lin Yanjun.

 

“I really really love you, Lin Yanjun.”

 

And now that he can say it, he’ll say it as many times as he can. 

 

“I really really  _ really _ -”

 

“I love you too, You Zhangjing.”

 

Yanjun moves to kiss him, but Zhangjing beats him too it, closing the space with a kiss that’s more like smiling against Yanjun’s lips instead of a kiss. It’s too much teeth and too much giggling between the so little space between them. It’s Yanjun holding him close, wrapping his arms around Zhangjing and Zhangjing doing the same for Yanjun. More ‘I love you’s cross from one to the other in their lip lock, and more silent promises, and more of them never really coming close to ending the kiss.

 

When they do, they keep their foreheads against each others’, and keep their noses lightly touching.

  
  
  


“Can we still have our anniversary be the day you woke up?” 

  
  


“Hah, okay. I can’t actually remember when that was though.” 

  
  


“It’s tomorrow, babe. Happy one year of knowing and loving you.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it isn't much, and im not satisfied w it, but i've decided to post it anyway bc...it would be a waste if i didnt honestly ahaha 
> 
> i'll try to write better zhangjun i promise, so please dont be disappointed w me !   
> (and i'll try to write other characters and ships too!)
> 
> thank you anyway for reading! i appreciate it a lot  
> so i guess.. this is it for this au! ♡

**Author's Note:**

> Okay liSTEN  
> it was supposed to be angst, like very very angst, but my writing has been tried & tested(tm) and proved useless when it comes to angst
> 
> fluff is my only strong skill hhhhh  
> anyway thanks for reading ♡ ily all pls tell me what you think in the comments or come scream at my twt @azhangjing
> 
> EDIT: If you wanna find out abt the original angst ending, hmu on twt (again, @azhangjing) DM ME 'gimme it' or smth lmao and i'll gladly share it to you ♡


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